Work/Life Balance: A Misnomer
by Jim Dirkes, PE, BEMP, BCxP, and Carolyn Buck
What is our Vision? (and how do we measure success?)
Our vision tells us where and who we want to be “when we grow up.” It informs our goals and determines the processes we use to achieve them. Akin to a plumb line for a building, it is the reference for a successful foundation. It must be clearly defined and accessible, but also much more than just a plaque on the wall. The form of our life takes shape based on what we are pursuing! Doing "more" is not the answer. Doing better is better.
As we form a vision, we tend to emulate what we see modeled by others. Tradition and culture often shape the basis for it. That’s fine, but it’s often unexamined – that “unexamined” part can be a problem. For example, because the success of the world around us is often measured by “GDP,” we may be tempted to measure our lives accordingly – more stuff, more influence, more money. If we want something different, we need a better vision, a better model. Energy modeling teaches us this about buildings to optimize their function, so how would this principle work to optimize our vision?
Two Differing Models
If making money is the vision, we may treat colleagues, employees and customers with less respect. We might pay little attention to those people's "individual vitality" by expecting more and more to achieve the work goals.
If, however, the “individual vitality of” everyone is part of our vision, we’ll take time to help them understand their individual mission, deducing how the workplace fits within their individual vision.
An old adage holds here: we work to live, not live to work. Unfortunately, our western metrics of success often invert and distort this reality. Work is an essential component of our existence, but work does not hold the keys to purpose, value, and worth. For several decades, employers have capitalized on our culture’s misaligned metrics for success; we have built off-angle for far too long. Initially, disregarding our plumbline wasn’t noticeable and, in fact, probably increased efficiency and speed. But as time carries on, our framework is faltering - big time. Mental health, familial stability, physical well-being, climate change, and community strength are all suffering. All of the components that make life worth working for falter when we lose focus.
Work/Life Balance: A Misnomer
We like to believe that we are delicately balancing a scale with work and life at odds. But work is not a separate sphere; it’s within life. Work and life exist to serve one another, not steal from one another. Employers can either build a framework of competition or collaboration between these two spheres for their employees.
An employer with a competitive mindset will…
View a pregnant employee as a liability rather than an asset
Severely limit or silently judge vacation time
Routinely expect more than 40 hr work weeks
Criticize the work ethic of employees with children
Downplay or disregard mental health and emotional well-being
Only invest in the professional development of their employees, not personal development
Judge what employees do in their “free time”
Focus only on goals that increase workplace performance
An employer with a collaborative mindset will…
Uphold human flourishing inside and outside the workplace
Champion employees in discovering passions and pursuits outside of the office
Not simply respect, but help employees set boundaries in their work hours
Support parents in their company through maternity/paternity leave
Provide healthcare that includes mental health services
Entertain creative problem solving for shifting seasons of life
Understand that a well-rested employee will perform better
See that strong families build strong communities which build strong businesses
Ultimately, the value framework of the employer will trickle down to the value expression of their employees. If we align ourselves with the success metric of the GDP, we will force our employees, their spouses, families, and communities to be built accordingly. Unfortunately, we are discovering there is an expiration date on this model.
The Long Game of Success
From Carolyn
I spent several years living outside of Geneva, Switzerland. While on a tour of St. Peter’s Cathedral in Geneva, I was struck by the backstory of the ornate choral bench that is a feature of the cathedral’s architecture. The bench is several hundred years old, each seat intricately carved with the life story of a saint. Thousands of hours were put into carving the bench, but that wasn’t the most impressive part; it takes nearly 300 years to petrify wood to such an extent that it could be carved like stone. For three hundred years, someone dipped a block of wood in and out of a saltwater bath, believing that when it would finally be ready, there would also be a carver skilled enough to create something magnificent. Multiple generations invested in one piece of art, so that generations beyond them could experience something beautiful.
Are we willing to invest a lifetime into fruit we may never tangibly see? Culturally, America has a very short-term mindset. Our fast-paced, rapid-reward cadence directly grates against a sustainably paced lifestyle. Valuing family, rest, health, and marriages doesn’t provide the same instant gratification that closing a deal does. Building strong relationships and communities takes time - even more so for generational impact. So what does it look like to define and defend a value set that functions contrary to the society around us?
From Jim
True greatness is not always recognized, and, in my own experience, family, marriage, and children often fall in that bucket. Years ago, our daughter, Tina (two years old at the time), wandered up from the basement where all the kids were watching a movie. She found my wife and me having a steak and candlelight dinner as a cheap date night. Tina asked for a bite of our food, and I gave her some marinated, grilled steak which she had never tasted before. “I like that kind of chicken!” she commented.
In her case and ours, it’s hard to imagine and appreciate something that you haven’t had personal experience with - like family. It’s also true that real greatness is rarely instant gratification; it takes time. Perceiving the adult’s greatness is not easy when looking at the two year old (who may be screaming), but that vision affects your relationship with your child – a lot.
How do we define greatness? If it’s by career success, we (consciously or not) will avoid encumberments like children. That means it’s well worth taking time to understand the benefits and impact of our vision choices. You’ve probably heard that nobody wants “She was filthy rich” or “He was the best deal closer” on their tombstone – but do you act like it?
Long-term benefits are harder to prioritize than short-term work projects, but…
What if…. You had a strong marriage relationship because you worked to build that strong marriage?
What if … you saw your role as a parent as a crucial role that helps to establish the next generation?
What if … you were instrumental in helping your neighborhood and community reinforce and model strong values?
Building a Different Model
As an energy engineer by trade, I have learned that if we want a different outcome, we need to alter the model. If we all agree that our pace, values, and outcomes are not optimal, then what can we change? In the workplace, we can evaluate our policies on healthcare, vacation time, equity, inclusion, and company culture that informs metrics of success and failure. At home, we can model healthy work boundaries, shared household responsibilities, community service, and caring for the environment. If we want to change our cultural trajectory for future generations, it begins by building a more sustainable, value-based model.